| I don't know. |
[09 Sep 2007|08:55pm] |
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I don't know if I will ever learn to trust. I don't know if we can fix what's wrong and be happy. But, i'm sure gonna give it my one last shot. And it hurts like hell but maybe things will be better. I'll take it day be day and be the person I want to be and the person you want me to be. If I can't change now, I don't think I ever will, for anyone. And that's scary. I can't live my life the way I am and I can't be in fear.
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| Justin |
[27 Aug 2007|10:18pm] |
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realized nothings broken
No need to worry about everything i've done
LIVE EVERY SECOND LIKE IT WAS MY LAST ONE
Don't look back got a new direction
I loved you once needed protection
YOURE STILL A PART OF EVERYTHING I DO
YOU'RE ON MY HEART JUST LIKE A TATOO
I'll always have you
R.I.P.
I'll never understand the reason why you chose to make the decision that you did, but i'll never forget you and the good times we had. I know you're in a better place - but you shouldn't be there, you should be here. Someone should have taken your keys from you, they shouldn't have let you drive. But know that you'll always be missed and never forgotten.
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| The Walk |
[07 Aug 2007|08:18pm] |
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cause you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then, I can keep your number for a rainy day,
That's when it's set, no mistakes no misbehaving,
I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this,
No it's not mean to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh now don't make it harder than it already is,
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this,
No it's not mean to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Big trouble loosing control,
Primary resistance at a critical load,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return a second to go,
No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
To a lower lever, systems failed, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, give in...
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this,
No it's not mean to be like this, it's just waht I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.
Feel like this,
It's all your fault.
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| mistake. |
[31 Jul 2007|07:48pm] |
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i made a big mistake when i told my parents i wasn't going to go to san diego with them. the only reason i didnt want to go is because i didnt want to leave him but now i realize that was a huge mistake because i ruined the only tradition my parents and i have left and they have never been to san diego with out me and i am so sad because that was our special trip we did. i feel so stupid. i should have just gone and i now i fucking miss them so much and im seriously getting ready to just get in my car and drive there. thats how fucking sad i am. fuck this.
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| Legendary |
[30 Jul 2007|09:36pm] |
I know i've given all that I could give to you
I know there'll come a day you understand
Until then i'll be trying to solve my mystery
And wonder why I couldn't make you stay
Sming through denial, my specialty
I thought that was a good thing for a while
You gave me all your secrets, were you testing me?
How could I do anything but smile?
Reenact my legendary tragedy
And do to me what has been done to you
Is that the only point to all this misery?
Is there any reason I should cry?
Heal, it takes time
And I gave you all I had
I know in time I will believe
That you loved me
Did I love you?
Heal, it takes time
And I gave you all I had
I know in time I will believe
That you loved me
That you loved me.
Oh why can't I be what you need?
A new improved version of me
But i'm nothing so good, no i'm nothing
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
Of violence of love and of sorrow
I beg for just one more tomorrow
Where you hold me down, fold me in
Deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins
I break in two over you
I break in two, and each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you don't see me, you don't
Here i'm pinned between darkness and light
Bleached and blinded by these nights
Where i'm tossing and tortured till dawn
I view visions of you, then you're gone
The shock bleeds the red from my face
When I hear someone has taken my place
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?
When all, all that I did was for you
I break in two over you
I break in two, and each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
I break in two over you
I break in two
Over you, I break in two
I will break in two, for you
Now you see me, now you don't
Here you stand seething with gulit
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
The look stapled on your face cries out for forgiveness,
the one thing that I cannot give.
Did you ever see that one person
and the way they do these things
and it hurts you so much it's like choking
I can give you freedom from your guilt
with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I can give you peace of mind with a forced smile.
I can give you death with the look upon my face.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no regrets;
you don't deserve a kiss goodbye.
This is your freedom in a life of fallacy,
with no last kiss and no goodbye.
Here you stand seething with guilt.
Silence only justifies this act of cowardice.
With a short story, the one you add to daily, you are the tragic loss.
No story book ending for this fairy tale of you.
Just the one composed with the blood taken from your pen that you hold in your lifeless hand.
Cry for you.
Shed tears. Mourn.
Wish the end.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down for the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know, the only reason, you are here now is, a reminder
of what i'll never have.
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me.
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| Imagination |
[06 Jul 2007|11:19pm] |
I can tell in your eyes exactly where you go...
Cause I have been to every distant constellation to see you again.
In the world of my mind there's nothing I wouldn't do to cast away.
I know it's like a trip for me too far,
moving forward, faster, into my imagination.
Let it run away with me.
You know your love is perfect like the stars when we're together.
Here in my imagination let it run away with me, away with me.
With every thought our journey begins again
and we will go on chasing the endless spots of creation that hold me for hours.
There's a rising sun along the dark horizon as i'm driving through the flow of the rain.
I know it's like a trip for me too far,
moving forward, faster, into my imagination.
Let it run away with me.
You know your love is perfect like the stars when we're together.
Here in my imagination let it fun away with me, away with me.
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| [Slipped Away] |
[02 Jun 2007|05:36pm] |
I miss you
I miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
I didn't get to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know I can't
I hope you can hear me
Cause I remember it clearly
I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake it
It happened you passed by
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back.
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It won't be the same
You're the part of me that I lost 19 years ago. You're the piece of my heart that is missing and will never, ever be filled. You're the love in my life that's not there. You're the influence that I needed.
I miss you and think about you every single day. But as I get older, if I really sit and think about it, I cry. I realize how much I miss you - without even really knowing you that well. I think about how you are such a big part of my life and with every shooting star I see, you are my only wish. To have one day with you. One hour. Everyone else knew you. I didn't. I only have pictures and stories. And to me, that is the most unfair thing and it hurts me so bad.
I wonder, would I be different if you were still here? Would my life be different? Would you like who I am now? Would you like the people in my life? Who would you be? I know that Jen and I would be closer because of you. But for some reason, I feel like I can't be close to her because you're not there. I just keep thinking, why 2 days before my birthday. Why couldn't you have been there that one last day?
I miss my big brother. I know you're still here and you're still with me all of the time protecting me, but it's not good enough. I want to be able to have a conversation with you. I want to see you. I want to be able to go to you with my problems.
I know it's hard for mom and dad too, and know it's hard for Jen as well. I just can't talk to them about it though. I can't let them know because it would only make them even more upset. So I just talk to you about it. I hope youre listening because I miss you. I know you loved me with everything you were and I give you the same back. I always will.
I can't wait until I can finally meet you. Until then, i'll be missing you.
R.I.P. Brian.
I love you.
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| I was angry... |
[27 May 2007|12:37pm] |
I was angry...and really upset...but for once he actually made me feel better. Things seem to be changing and I thank God every day for it. Things are getting better and i'm so happy.
:)
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| The way I feel |
[22 May 2007|06:51pm] |
Lately I've been wandering
Off the narrow path
You’ve given me so many things that I've never had
And all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through
If you reach deep inside you’ll see my heart is true
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
The world I know is pulling me
More and more each day
I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray
Spiteful eyes are watching me
With everything I do
In the midst of darkness Lord
My spirit calls for you
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
You know sometimes
Deep inside
I feel like this
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
‘Cause I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
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[22 May 2007|07:15am] |
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I still feel hollow and hurt and empty thing are different than they were Friday but my stomach is still sick, i'm still sad, I still feel lonely even though I shouldn't. I don't know how to handle this.
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| It hurts. |
[21 May 2007|07:29am] |
Wide awake, fall again
Scratching at my wounds
Always in tune
Love came too soon
And in the morning I saw the wave
Wasn't it something
And you say you don't need me
Forget about you
Forget about you
Had a feeling it would come to this
Stiches always breaking
Every sound that you make
Keeps me awake
And in the morning, I saw the gaze
It wasn't a comfort
And you say you don't need me
Forget about you
Forget about you
Forget about all this life we have
We were the unseen
And I don't regret those days
Wasn't it something?
Forget about you.
-------------------------------------------
You are the lonliest girl in the world,
Taking your hits as they come.
You are the lonliest girl in the world,
And tonight you'd fall for anyone.
It's in the way you fall down to bed
It's in the way you cry when he's not looking
You are the lonliest girl in the world,
I'll watch you die a thousand times again
You are the lonliest girl in the world
And I just want to make it go away.
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| Kill Yourself. |
[21 Apr 2007|03:05pm] |
If you got love for me, I got love for you
If you don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you
We can do it however you wanna do it
If you don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you
Go ahead
Kill yourself
If I was you I wouldn't feel myself go on kill yourself
Kill yourself go on and kill yourself
If I was you I wouldn't feel myself
See my heart, feel my pain
Some of these bitches, some are lame
How they follow little trends to get their fame
You claim you're rich, show me bitch
If you got so many dollars, lend me one
VIP don't make you a star
Like we really still don't know who the fuck you are
Don't talk behind my back, just call me bitch
Move my heart to the side
Make room to forgive you
If you still want to hang
We'll come get you
But for now just put the rope around your neck and jump bitch.
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| This Isn't Me. |
[18 Apr 2007|01:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 uncomfortable |
] |
This isn't the person that I want to be. I don't want to be jealous, I don't want to be worried, I don't want to be controlling, I don't want to have this feeling anymore when I know there is no reason for me to have it in the first place. I can't understand why I get this way, but all I know is that it's not me...and it's not what I want to be. I'm praying that i'm strong enough to change because it's all me this time...and if I can't change it will ruin everything...so I will change...but I just don't know how.
:(
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| Breathe. |
[14 Apr 2007|10:51am] |
I've been driving for an hour
Just talkin' to the rain
You say i've been driving you crazy
And it's keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell me why i should stay
Coz i don't wanna waste another moment
Saying things we never meant to say
And I take it just a little bit
I hold my breath and count to ten
I've been waiting for a chance to let you in
If I just
Breathe
Let it fill the space between, i'll know
Everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me, you'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe
Well it's all so overrated
You're not sayin' how you feel
So you end up watchin' chances fade
And wonderin' what's real
And I give it just a little time
I wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till i see it in your eyes
If I just
Breathe
Let it fill the space between, i'll know
Everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me, you'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe, breathe
Shall i whisper in the dark?
Hopin' you hear me?
Do you hear me?
If I just
Breathe
Let it fill the space between, i'll know
Everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me, you'll see
Everything is alright
I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain...
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| Easter. |
[08 Apr 2007|10:06am] |
Happy Easter! :)
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| Lesson Learned. |
[07 Apr 2007|06:12pm] |
I'm really glad that Michelle and I had to take that class today. I learned a lot about myself, and who I am and who I want to become as a person. It really opened my eyes to the way I behave and the way that I act and how that causes the people around me to act the way they do. I have a lot of work today but i'm definitly up to the challenge, and I can't wait until things are the way they're supposed to be. I guess this song sums it up.
There's somethings I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts that had bitter endings,
Been some bad times i've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things I wish I could do all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And for every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how i'd get through the night,
Every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have mad,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
All the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all lessons learned.
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| Everythings fine, I just needed to vent. |
[06 Apr 2007|08:00pm] |
I understand why you're looking for tears in my eyes, and trust me they were there but now the well is dry. I was in so deep I couldn't get out, I sat on feelings that I buried with doubt, I knew there'd come a day when our paths would cross.
There's no kindness in your eyes, the way you look at me, it's just not right. I can tell what's going on this time, there's a stranger in my life. You're not the person that I once knew. Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you? Did I ever make you wonder who was standing in the room?
Yeah everything is fine, I just kind of screwed up again...why cant I ever just do what I say i'm gonna do, I know that if I acted the way I said i'd act a lot of this would be different. So, I guess NOW i'm finally gonna act like I said. It's just gonna be hard...and it's only going to be hard because i'm stupid and I care too much about the people I love...but i'm done with setting myself up for failing.
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| <3 <3 |
[06 Apr 2007|04:26pm] |
This is my best friend...(aside from my boyfriend..) but when I am home all we do is lay in bed and watch TV. I'm pretty convinced that I want to bring her everywhere with me. I love her.
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| STUPID GIRL |
[06 Apr 2007|03:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pleased |
] |
I'm not talking about the kind of clothes she wears, look at that stupid girl.
I'm not talking about the way she combs her hair, look at that stupid girl.
The way she powders her nose, her vanity shows and it shows.
She's the worst thing in this world, well, look at that stupid girl.
And i'm not talking about the way she digs for gold, look at that stupid girl.
Well i'm talking abotu the way she grabs and holds, look at that stupid girl.
The way she talks about someone else, that she doesn't even know herself.
She's the sickest thing in this world, well, look at that stupid girl.
She bitches 'bout things that she's never seen, look at that stupid girl.
It doesn't matter if she dyes her hair, or the color of the shoes she wears,
She's the worst thing in this world.
Well, look at that stupid girl.
Some people just DON'T learn, do they? It makes me laugh and I don't care if that makes me a bitch...because people like that don't deserve sympathy, or empathy, or anything like that. And i'm definitly not gonna give any of those - just because someone said I should...i'm just gonna keep on laughing...cause it's FUNNY.
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